Nothing can really prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster of a divorce. You invest so much into your marriage, and when it’s over you’re left feeling like half a person.
While plenty of people have tried to write the handbook for coping in the wake of a divorce, the healing process will be unique for everyone, and the reason for your divorce will also play a big part in how you handle the grief.
That said, there are a few things that you can do in order to focus on breaking up instead of breaking down. You’ll need to process your feelings eventually, but they can certainly wait a moment while you become accustomed to the concept of being single again.
First things first, you need to make sure the legal side of your divorce is being handled by a professional team like majorfamilylaw.co.uk. You also need to make sure your finances are in order and you have everything you need to keep a roof over your head and to care for your children.
If you don’t have your own bank account and credit cards, get them. And if your salary is paid into a joint account, make sure you contact your employer to change this. This is relevant for both men and women, as lots of couples fall into a state of financial codependency when they get married.
Limit the things you say yes to in the months following a divorce, and only start to take on extra responsibilities when you feel ready. You get to be a little bit selfish in the wake of a divorce, and most people will understand. Prioritise things like sleep, good nutrition and exercise in the wake of a divorce so that you are physically ready to handle the emotional turmoil.
If you work a high powered job and you’re worried about breaking down throughout the day, one of the best things you can do is schedule time to have a little cry.
It sounds like madness, but setting aside time in the day to be alone for a moment and having a good cry can release emotional energy and leave you feeling refreshed. Most people feel better after a good cry, so if you are worried about your emotions getting the better of you throughout the day, then schedule time to let it all out.
You need time to break the emotional bond so that you can both move on, and this won’t happen if you keep repeating relationship patterns that keep you close and connected. You need to get used to not hearing about their day, not turning to them when you are sad, and not asking them for support. This is perhaps the most difficult part of a breakup, and it will require the most self control. If your partner is unwilling to stick to a no contact rule, then you might have to resort to blocking them in order to uphold this boundary.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Leave your friends and family alone and speak to a professional about your relationship grief. This will help to preserve your relationships and avoid the risk of placing too much expectation on your friends and family.
Speaking to a professional counsellor will help you to process your feelings about the breakup in a rational way, rather than bottling them up and pretending they don’t exist. As your mindset evolves, you might go from talking about your relationship grief, then to processing why the relationship is over, and then to finally looking for the signs that you’re ready to date again.